Xtine (ladyvyxen) wrote in rantnbitch,
Xtine
ladyvyxen
rantnbitch

It's a fight for the fucking spotlight.

One thing's for sure: I'm sick of people saying they're gona kill themselves. I'm sick of people using the excuse "oh but i was picked on as a child." BIG FUCKING DEAL. You were a kid. They were kids. You didn't know any fucking better. We all got fucking picked on at some point. Some just like to hold on to it to cry about it more later. Admit it. It's a lame and weak excuse for your behavior. I'm sick of people being weak and resorting to cutting. Oh fucking cutting. Fuck cutting. Fuck your pathetic pussy attempts to fit in. Fuck your need for constant attention. There are people out there that have it worse than you but you dont see them cutting. What you do is you cope. You suck it the fuck up and move on. I understand that it might be hard and might take a while, but at least show some fucking progress and stop trying to make yourself worse than you already are. You dont see them (the ppl who have it worse than you) trying to end their lives and hope to have the spotlight for their "brave" act.


Well guess what. You kill yourself, you earn yourself a max of one day of "oh my goodness. he's gone. he's really dead." That's it. ONE DAY. Yeah. it's worth it though, isnt it? It's like those people who try to jump off a bridge or out a window. That's the fucking saddest shit ever. What? Did you want to get on tv? Wanna say hi to mama? Wanna make it on the front page of the news for being a total, complete and utter PUSSY!?! I'd like to see somebody jump off a bridge before the cops/news people/newspaper reporters get there. Then I'll fucking commend you for your brave act. At least you didn't do it for the attention. Have fun when you find out there is no afterlife. When you find yourself rotting in the dirt with worms and bugs crawling up your ass you'll be thinking "Fuck. This isnt fun. I cant wank anymore. Who's gona pay attention to me now... But maybe they're up there crying their eyes out and thinking about me. YES! That's it!" You wish. You'll be forgotten like the rest before you know it.


It's like those people who constantly say "Am I fat? Am I fat? No really, Am I fat? Come on, tell me the truth. Am I fat?" just to hear somebody tell them they arent. This is called "Am I fat syndrome". I just hope none of those kinds of people run into me anytime soon because you can be sure I'll say "Yeah. You sure as fuck are fat, fat ass. Is that a triple chin, dear? Now go the fuck away, fatty."


I'm sorry if this offends anybody that knows a person that has died because of suicide, but I need to vent. Yes, there are people out there who seriously CANNOT deal with their problems and so they do kill themselves. But if you notice, if the person is SERIOUS about doing this they REALLY do not want people knowing and having people trying to stop them. It's like a bank robber calling up the cops and saying "hey I'm about to rob this bank. Just thought I'd let you know." That's incredibly stupid. If you're serious about it you do it. These are just the facts. Think about it. This isn't directed at only a select few people that I know. No. I say this to all people who cut for attention. I say this to all people who threaten to kill themselves for attention. These are my feelings. These are my thoughts. These are the truths. This is what YOU feel too, but are afraid to say.


[Disclaimer: (yeah i had to stick a disclaimer in here just incase some dumbass wants to listen to me and do it.) I am in no way saying you should kill yourself. We all need to talk about our problems to somebody at some point. yes. This is true. This is not pathetic. We all need to talk. But taking such actions as cutting/OD'ing on pills is just plain fucking stupid. So dont do it.]


-Chrissy

and somebody responded to my rant with...

Email from dog.bait@thefragile.com
She says:
You've got some interesting ideas regarding suicide... that's really the main reason I took the time to fill this out.

Most people don't reply so I'm not necessarily looking for an answer to any questions I ask... but maybe I'll at least give you something to think about.

Did you know that suicidal people want help and are crying out for help every day? They don't necessarily wear a sign that says "I want to die," but I don't know why you're stating something totally incorrect.

Maybe *some* people cut or "act" depressed for attention or to try to fit into some sort of label or clique, but the majority of people with mental illnesses are actually in some sort of neurosis.

Unless you've been in that situation, it's really unfair to make such generalizations..especially when you obviously don't know what you're talking about.

When I was depressed, I was afraid to tell anyone. I wanted to tell people, but I didn't know how. I don't know what you think, but it's actually really difficult to tell people that you love that you don't understand the way you feel and you think you want to die. And you cannot just make yourself better. It's a long process that can take years.

And I don't know what your problem is with being part of the Gothic or Punk cultures...I find that it's becoming more of a cliche to say you're not Gothic and try to fit into the subculture, anyway, than it is to actually be Gothic.

Anyway, I realize that this is your site with your own personal opinions, but it's in extremely poor taste to be so harsh about such sensitive issues, like suicide... even if you don't claim to be an expert.





I responded:
Katy-
I would like to thank you for taking interest in my thoughts on suicide. For the longest time nobody ever said anything negative about it, so I thank you for speaking up and expressing your opinion. I'd like to take this time to answer your questions and respond to your statements but please do not take any of this offensively. I only mean to clear things up and perhaps learn something new from you.

>>You've got some interesting ideas regarding suicide... that's really the main reason I took the time to fill this out.
Thanks for filling it out...

>>Most people don't reply so I'm not necessarily looking for an answer to any questions I ask... but maybe I'll at least give you something to think about.
I'd be more than happy to answer.

>>Did you know that suicidal people want help and are crying out for help every day?
Yes. I realize this. What you call crying out for help is what I call crying out for attention after a while. At first I tried to help my friend. I talked to him about it for hours and hours everyday, trying to comfort him. I tried to help him. He acted like he appreciated what I was doing for him and then would turn around and cut himself and post pictures of it. Why would anybody want to see that? I would talk to him more. I would BEG him not to do anything to hurt himself. I couldnt afford to lose him, not emotionally. He turns around and ODs on pills several times. I told him to get help. I tried to get his parents involved. Soon I felt like whatever I was saying wasnt doing any good and that I was draining myself emotionally to TRY to help him...and it all just went out the other ear. Then I sat back and thought "what does he have to be depressed about?" and there was nothing. I felt used. I felt like he used me for attention. He used everybody to get attention by cutting. (Please see at the bottom of this email for TMB's opinions on this subject.) I think the youth of America (or where ever for that matter) is growing up to be spoon fed. Mommy has to be there for me to cry to. I need things to be my way. And when they grow up and are throw out in the real world they can't deal with it. They cant cope. Who's to blame? The kid for being weak? Or the parents for doing just a piss poor job raising their child? I dont know. And I dont have that answer.

>>They don't necessarily wear a sign that says "I want to die," but I don't know why you're stating something totally incorrect.
No. They do not wear signs that say "I want to die". And maybe inside they do want to die...but why is it that some of us can cope better than others? Why is it that I've been through more than this suicidal boy that cries about being picked on when he hasnt been through what I have? I know I cant expect everybody to be the same or everybody to be strong. But I get so sick and tired of people not trying. They all want the EASY way out. They want to die. But do they realize who they're hurting when they say such things? When people care about these suicidal kids and they hear them say they want to die... it's just about the same as the suicidal kid saying "I dont care that you care about me. I dont care that you want to save me. I care about myself. I dont care that you're gona miss me and cry about me when I'm gone. I care about myself. and *I* WANT TO DIE." Seems rather self centered and heartless, dont you think?

>>Maybe *some* people cut or "act" depressed for attention or to try to fit into some sort of label or clique, but the majority of people with mental illnesses are actually in some sort of neurosis.
Yes. A lot of people cut for that exact reason. There are communities online for such people to gather and talk about how cool they are for doing it and new ways to get attention for cutting. That pisses me off. And people like that make me NOT want to care. And yes, I am all too familiar with mental illnesses. My mother, being psychotic, bi polar/manic depressant and suffering from delusions (who refuses to take her medication) sure as hell never made my life easy...in fact it was anything but easy. But I am thankful everyday that such things have happened to me. I wouldnt be as strong as I am today. So when you say I dont know what it's like or what I'm talking about...I'm afraid I do. I know it all too well...

>>Unless you've been in that situation, it's really unfair to make such generalizations..especially when you obviously don't know what you're talking about.
Yet again, I'm afraid I've seen and heard just about all I can on this subject. Years of trying to help and trying to reach out never did any good. My years wasted on such things. Not only my suicidal mother and father but my suicidal friends. To wake up everyday and not know if your parents are alive or if they killed themselves during the night because they "couldnt take it anymore" is a scary thought,... yet I wake up with that thought every morning. Is it right for me to have to suffer like this? Probably not. But I'm not complaining. My friends and family are supposed to be role models for me. Yet I can't look up to any of them. So who do I have in the end to keep me strong? Myself. And that's what confuses me. Why cant anybody else see that they dont need anybody? It's all within yourself...

>>When I was depressed, I was afraid to tell anyone. I wanted to tell people, but I didn't know how. I don't know what you think, but it's actually really difficult to tell people that you love that you don't understand the way you feel and you think you want to die. And you cannot just make yourself better. It's a long process that can take years.
I understand that it's hard to tell people and to get help...but cutting and then bragging about it doesnt make me care any more than I did to begin with (I'm not saying you cut and brag about it. But these are the experiences that I've had). I realize that you cannot make yourself feel better. It takes the support of friends/family/people to listen and help you. After four long years of battling this so-called depression, my friend is finally able to say he's not depressed anymore. And I stuck by him for those four years...I know it takes a long time...but cutting and ODing on pills is the wrong way to go about doing things...(and again, these are just experiences that I've had. you may or may not be a cutter/etc so it may not even apply to you).

>>And I don't know what your problem is with being part of the Gothic or Punk cultures...I find that it's becoming more of a cliche to say you're not Gothic and try to fit into the subculture, anyway, than it is to actually be Gothic.
I have nothing against punk cultures. I just choose not to label myself as anything. I think you got that bit from my short survey. I say that I am not punk. I am not goth. I am not anything you say I am. I dont want to fit anybody's idea of what goth or punk or nerd or prep is. I feel that such labels divide people and starts a lot of bullshit. But then again I dont believe in love or marriage either, all of which are my opinions that I am free to express. I am not trying to force feed my ideas to anybody. And what exactly is "goth" these days? If you feel deep and dark does that make you goth? Is it the way you dress? Do a search on google or facethejury.com for goth. See what you come up with.... a load of people who dont even know what it really is to be "goth".

>>Anyway, I realize that this is your site with your own personal opinions, but it's in extremely poor taste to be so harsh about such sensitive issues, like suicide... even if you don't claim to be an expert.
I realize this, but I also added a disclaimer to my rant on suicide. I speak of only what I know and have seen or experienced. For me to speak about such things means I had to have some sort of experience with it and it just so happens that my experiences with suicidal people have led me to believe such things.

I'd like to thank you again for responding. Dont think of this as a fight. We just have different opinions on what seems to be a very touchy subject. I would appreciate it if you could reply with your thoughts on this.

-Chrissy
http://www.misanthropic-bitch.com/teensuicide.html <---- very good
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