Xtine (ladyvyxen) wrote in rantnbitch,
Xtine
ladyvyxen
rantnbitch

It's a fight for the fucking spotlight.

One thing's for sure: I'm sick of people saying they're gona kill themselves. I'm sick of people using the excuse "oh but i was picked on as a child." BIG FUCKING DEAL. You were a kid. They were kids. You didn't know any fucking better. We all got fucking picked on at some point. Some just like to hold on to it to cry about it more later. Admit it. It's a lame and weak excuse for your behavior. I'm sick of people being weak and resorting to cutting. Oh fucking cutting. Fuck cutting. Fuck your pathetic pussy attempts to fit in. Fuck your need for constant attention. There are people out there that have it worse than you but you dont see them cutting. What you do is you cope. You suck it the fuck up and move on. I understand that it might be hard and might take a while, but at least show some fucking progress and stop trying to make yourself worse than you already are. You dont see them (the ppl who have it worse than you) trying to end their lives and hope to have the spotlight for their "brave" act.


Well guess what. You kill yourself, you earn yourself a max of one day of "oh my goodness. he's gone. he's really dead." That's it. ONE DAY. Yeah. it's worth it though, isnt it? It's like those people who try to jump off a bridge or out a window. That's the fucking saddest shit ever. What? Did you want to get on tv? Wanna say hi to mama? Wanna make it on the front page of the news for being a total, complete and utter PUSSY!?! I'd like to see somebody jump off a bridge before the cops/news people/newspaper reporters get there. Then I'll fucking commend you for your brave act. At least you didn't do it for the attention. Have fun when you find out there is no afterlife. When you find yourself rotting in the dirt with worms and bugs crawling up your ass you'll be thinking "Fuck. This isnt fun. I cant wank anymore. Who's gona pay attention to me now... But maybe they're up there crying their eyes out and thinking about me. YES! That's it!" You wish. You'll be forgotten like the rest before you know it.


It's like those people who constantly say "Am I fat? Am I fat? No really, Am I fat? Come on, tell me the truth. Am I fat?" just to hear somebody tell them they arent. This is called "Am I fat syndrome". I just hope none of those kinds of people run into me anytime soon because you can be sure I'll say "Yeah. You sure as fuck are fat, fat ass. Is that a triple chin, dear? Now go the fuck away, fatty."


I'm sorry if this offends anybody that knows a person that has died because of suicide, but I need to vent. Yes, there are people out there who seriously CANNOT deal with their problems and so they do kill themselves. But if you notice, if the person is SERIOUS about doing this they REALLY do not want people knowing and having people trying to stop them. It's like a bank robber calling up the cops and saying "hey I'm about to rob this bank. Just thought I'd let you know." That's incredibly stupid. If you're serious about it you do it. These are just the facts. Think about it. This isn't directed at only a select few people that I know. No. I say this to all people who cut for attention. I say this to all people who threaten to kill themselves for attention. These are my feelings. These are my thoughts. These are the truths. This is what YOU feel too, but are afraid to say.


[Disclaimer: (yeah i had to stick a disclaimer in here just incase some dumbass wants to listen to me and do it.) I am in no way saying you should kill yourself. We all need to talk about our problems to somebody at some point. yes. This is true. This is not pathetic. We all need to talk. But taking such actions as cutting/OD'ing on pills is just plain fucking stupid. So dont do it.]


-Chrissy

and somebody responded to my rant with...

Email from dog.bait@thefragile.com
She says:
You've got some interesting ideas regarding suicide... that's really the main reason I took the time to fill this out.

Most people don't reply so I'm not necessarily looking for an answer to any questions I ask... but maybe I'll at least give you something to think about.

Did you know that suicidal people want help and are crying out for help every day? They don't necessarily wear a sign that says "I want to die," but I don't know why you're stating something totally incorrect.

Maybe *some* people cut or "act" depressed for attention or to try to fit into some sort of label or clique, but the majority of people with mental illnesses are actually in some sort of neurosis.

Unless you've been in that situation, it's really unfair to make such generalizations..especially when you obviously don't know what you're talking about.

When I was depressed, I was afraid to tell anyone. I wanted to tell people, but I didn't know how. I don't know what you think, but it's actually really difficult to tell people that you love that you don't understand the way you feel and you think you want to die. And you cannot just make yourself better. It's a long process that can take years.

And I don't know what your problem is with being part of the Gothic or Punk cultures...I find that it's becoming more of a cliche to say you're not Gothic and try to fit into the subculture, anyway, than it is to actually be Gothic.

Anyway, I realize that this is your site with your own personal opinions, but it's in extremely poor taste to be so harsh about such sensitive issues, like suicide... even if you don't claim to be an expert.





I responded:
Katy-
I would like to thank you for taking interest in my thoughts on suicide. For the longest time nobody ever said anything negative about it, so I thank you for speaking up and expressing your opinion. I'd like to take this time to answer your questions and respond to your statements but please do not take any of this offensively. I only mean to clear things up and perhaps learn something new from you.

>>You've got some interesting ideas regarding suicide... that's really the main reason I took the time to fill this out.
Thanks for filling it out...

>>Most people don't reply so I'm not necessarily looking for an answer to any questions I ask... but maybe I'll at least give you something to think about.
I'd be more than happy to answer.

>>Did you know that suicidal people want help and are crying out for help every day?
Yes. I realize this. What you call crying out for help is what I call crying out for attention after a while. At first I tried to help my friend. I talked to him about it for hours and hours everyday, trying to comfort him. I tried to help him. He acted like he appreciated what I was doing for him and then would turn around and cut himself and post pictures of it. Why would anybody want to see that? I would talk to him more. I would BEG him not to do anything to hurt himself. I couldnt afford to lose him, not emotionally. He turns around and ODs on pills several times. I told him to get help. I tried to get his parents involved. Soon I felt like whatever I was saying wasnt doing any good and that I was draining myself emotionally to TRY to help him...and it all just went out the other ear. Then I sat back and thought "what does he have to be depressed about?" and there was nothing. I felt used. I felt like he used me for attention. He used everybody to get attention by cutting. (Please see at the bottom of this email for TMB's opinions on this subject.) I think the youth of America (or where ever for that matter) is growing up to be spoon fed. Mommy has to be there for me to cry to. I need things to be my way. And when they grow up and are throw out in the real world they can't deal with it. They cant cope. Who's to blame? The kid for being weak? Or the parents for doing just a piss poor job raising their child? I dont know. And I dont have that answer.

>>They don't necessarily wear a sign that says "I want to die," but I don't know why you're stating something totally incorrect.
No. They do not wear signs that say "I want to die". And maybe inside they do want to die...but why is it that some of us can cope better than others? Why is it that I've been through more than this suicidal boy that cries about being picked on when he hasnt been through what I have? I know I cant expect everybody to be the same or everybody to be strong. But I get so sick and tired of people not trying. They all want the EASY way out. They want to die. But do they realize who they're hurting when they say such things? When people care about these suicidal kids and they hear them say they want to die... it's just about the same as the suicidal kid saying "I dont care that you care about me. I dont care that you want to save me. I care about myself. I dont care that you're gona miss me and cry about me when I'm gone. I care about myself. and *I* WANT TO DIE." Seems rather self centered and heartless, dont you think?

>>Maybe *some* people cut or "act" depressed for attention or to try to fit into some sort of label or clique, but the majority of people with mental illnesses are actually in some sort of neurosis.
Yes. A lot of people cut for that exact reason. There are communities online for such people to gather and talk about how cool they are for doing it and new ways to get attention for cutting. That pisses me off. And people like that make me NOT want to care. And yes, I am all too familiar with mental illnesses. My mother, being psychotic, bi polar/manic depressant and suffering from delusions (who refuses to take her medication) sure as hell never made my life easy...in fact it was anything but easy. But I am thankful everyday that such things have happened to me. I wouldnt be as strong as I am today. So when you say I dont know what it's like or what I'm talking about...I'm afraid I do. I know it all too well...

>>Unless you've been in that situation, it's really unfair to make such generalizations..especially when you obviously don't know what you're talking about.
Yet again, I'm afraid I've seen and heard just about all I can on this subject. Years of trying to help and trying to reach out never did any good. My years wasted on such things. Not only my suicidal mother and father but my suicidal friends. To wake up everyday and not know if your parents are alive or if they killed themselves during the night because they "couldnt take it anymore" is a scary thought,... yet I wake up with that thought every morning. Is it right for me to have to suffer like this? Probably not. But I'm not complaining. My friends and family are supposed to be role models for me. Yet I can't look up to any of them. So who do I have in the end to keep me strong? Myself. And that's what confuses me. Why cant anybody else see that they dont need anybody? It's all within yourself...

>>When I was depressed, I was afraid to tell anyone. I wanted to tell people, but I didn't know how. I don't know what you think, but it's actually really difficult to tell people that you love that you don't understand the way you feel and you think you want to die. And you cannot just make yourself better. It's a long process that can take years.
I understand that it's hard to tell people and to get help...but cutting and then bragging about it doesnt make me care any more than I did to begin with (I'm not saying you cut and brag about it. But these are the experiences that I've had). I realize that you cannot make yourself feel better. It takes the support of friends/family/people to listen and help you. After four long years of battling this so-called depression, my friend is finally able to say he's not depressed anymore. And I stuck by him for those four years...I know it takes a long time...but cutting and ODing on pills is the wrong way to go about doing things...(and again, these are just experiences that I've had. you may or may not be a cutter/etc so it may not even apply to you).

>>And I don't know what your problem is with being part of the Gothic or Punk cultures...I find that it's becoming more of a cliche to say you're not Gothic and try to fit into the subculture, anyway, than it is to actually be Gothic.
I have nothing against punk cultures. I just choose not to label myself as anything. I think you got that bit from my short survey. I say that I am not punk. I am not goth. I am not anything you say I am. I dont want to fit anybody's idea of what goth or punk or nerd or prep is. I feel that such labels divide people and starts a lot of bullshit. But then again I dont believe in love or marriage either, all of which are my opinions that I am free to express. I am not trying to force feed my ideas to anybody. And what exactly is "goth" these days? If you feel deep and dark does that make you goth? Is it the way you dress? Do a search on google or facethejury.com for goth. See what you come up with.... a load of people who dont even know what it really is to be "goth".

>>Anyway, I realize that this is your site with your own personal opinions, but it's in extremely poor taste to be so harsh about such sensitive issues, like suicide... even if you don't claim to be an expert.
I realize this, but I also added a disclaimer to my rant on suicide. I speak of only what I know and have seen or experienced. For me to speak about such things means I had to have some sort of experience with it and it just so happens that my experiences with suicidal people have led me to believe such things.

I'd like to thank you again for responding. Dont think of this as a fight. We just have different opinions on what seems to be a very touchy subject. I would appreciate it if you could reply with your thoughts on this.

-Chrissy
http://www.misanthropic-bitch.com/teensuicide.html <---- very good
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  • 11 comments
very well argued and and executed....attention grabbers piss me as well as concern me. i agree sooner or later the world is going to bitchslap you in the face, and it definitley comes down to how you deal with it on an emotional level. Some people essentially have culture shock in not knowing how to deal with the world. many wonder how do i live my life without being in my comfort zone. answer: create your own fucking comfort zone. Start creating an area of influence. Take it small steps at a time and don't get bogged down that things go shitty a lot. stress less.....because in the end it doesn't matter anyway...
hi, i was just loking for some communities, but i read this and i wanted to comment, you are both right i must say. while yes SOME SOME SOME people say there going to kill themselves for attention MANY MANY MANY are begging for some help. I too get annoyed with "suicidal people" I.e. my mother once a month my mother goes on her suicide sprees, and never does she's looking for some love and attention, and as for cutting i was once too in the WTF is this catagory, until i read and realized that a lot of people who are cutting aren't cutting to kill themseves they are simply cutting to release some sort of emotion and anxiety. Now yes i think maybe it's time for them to get a hobby or a do something more CONstructive then DEstructive, but who are we to judge whats' going on inside someone's mind. *shrug* Good luck with this one..fiona.
umm and holy shit i just realized this was posted WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY the hell back in may id o'nt htink i'll be getting a response on this one lol!
I think that society is pressuring many people to cut and o.d. partially because of expectations of people, especially young people, and expectations for what they should be doing later in life. Also it seems that the whole 'depression' issue is more out in the open now, unlike it may have been in the past. I'm taking an educated guess that in the past being depressed or having unresolved mental issues was considered either 'going through hardships','being crazy' or maybe even considered 'the work of the Devil' by some. I'm not religious and I do not state that as a factor, although I'm sure some have.
I believe that in today's society, depression is sort of becoming stylized and automatically placed within the 'goth/teen angst' category, however, I won't discuss that here and now.
It's just my opinion that human beings will just be human beings..And as long as that stays the same, there will always be people striving for attention and acceptance in society through unecessary means.
yes, there are too many people using threats of suicide as a mean to getting noticed but there are also people who truly are lost and see no way out of their problems. to me if someone you know threatens suicide you reach out and try to help but if they refuse your help or refuse to help them damn selves then you've got to say fuck it and move on or they might just pull you down with them. ONE problem... there is an after life. in my opinion this life is just one big fucking test. call it hell if you'd like but i believe if you hang in there and climb out of the bullshit. the reward is bliss, call it heaven or whatever but if you quit the game/test you'll just find you ass right back here. so,to those thinking suicide i say fine quit....but be ready to play again and again. until you quit being a pussy and fight.
What an interesting community. I likes it!

On your screed about whiners and suicidal people: I agree with many of your sentiments but I'd like to take my little crayon and fill in some color.

A lot of what you express is seen among social workers and therapists who work with populations of folks as you described. I was one of them. What I am talking about is "compassion burnout". I was more susceptible than most of my colleagues as my previous occupation was as a career military person and as many military people I have some impatience with impractical and wasteful efforts. (I am no longer in social service)

First some info

Depression is a mental illness--it is not a neurosis or a personality disorder. It has a biological component (serotonin is usually implicated) that underlies the problem. In all but a few cases, medicine can resolve the problem. Without medication true depression will manifest. It can abate for awhile but will return--often in force. When I hear this stuff about "sucking it up.." and all that positive outlook crap, I tell people this: Imagine you have had 8 shots of vodka in the last hour. You stumble into your car and start weaving your way home. Your passenger does not like your driving and says "Hey. Suck it up. You don't have to let this bad driving continue. Just forget about the alcohol and get on with driving this vehicle in a sober fashion." Get the point? It's biological. You can't wish your way out of it.

You can have personal characteristics that are bothersome and problematic but not debilitating--neurosis. Or, you can have personal and interpersonal problems that are debilitating socially and vocationally--personality disorders. These "characterological" problems are not considered to have a biological cause and are considered to be basically untreatable.

One of the worst of the personality disorders is called Borderline Personality. It sounds benign but these people are easily triggered to have the most bleak and darkest moods and difficulty emerging from them. They act like they are "borderline insane" often enough--volatile, deceptive, conniving, vicious. They make life miserable not only for themselves but for everyone they know. And you have great difficulty in separating yourself from them. It is one of their traits. Another trait is self mutilation which is said to actually provide some relief. A good many of them do kill themselves (often to the guilt laden relief of their therapists and significant others).

When someone self reports that they want to commit suicide they are evaluated as to the level of seriousness. Acts of attempted suicide are called suicidal gestures and are also rated on a scale. Women often make half-hearted attempts as a cry for help. Women attempt suicide about ten times as often as men, but men actually kill themselves about 4 times as often as women. That is to say that when men make the attempt, they are usually dead (pardon the pun) serious.

I think however that suicide has been given a bad rap. I believe circumstances can be so bad that suicide is a rationale response. How much pain and hopelessness should someone endure. For all the anti gun people, most gun related deaths are suicides by people that are severely and usually terminally ill.

For many people life just sucks and it aint gonna get better. So your point about bridge jumpers etc. is well taken. Let them jump. If what they want is attention, they better find another way cause the jump is irrevocable.

Personally, I"d like to see them take some miscreant with them. Those kids that got picked on that you mentioned. Well nowadays, those kids come to school with guns and kill their tormentors. That can be a valuable lesson to other bullies. I wonder what happened at Moses Lake high school where Barry Lukitis(sp?) was the first to address his problem directly. There are plenty of criminals and lawyers that deserve to die. Our depressives could be popular heroes. Possible Headline: OJ and his lawyer killed by depressed suicide bomber.

There is a great little book by Wendy Kaminer, "I"m dysfunctional, your dysfuntional", about the society of victimhood.

Wow. A 2 year old post that still gets comments. Heh. Thanks for the info, though. I appreciate your point of view.
just another note:
I'm sick of people using the excuse "oh but i was picked on as a child." BIG FUCKING DEAL. You were a kid. They were kids. You didn't know any fucking better. We all got fucking picked on at some point.
Though all kids get bullied, some get bullied a lot more than others. In high school when i first walked into the courtyard for lunch i heard hushes of 'thats so-in-so' for all the way around. About 700 people pointing and chatting. My brother had beaten some of them up. For the next 5 years I was avoided, beaten up, picked last in ever sports event and generally ostrisised from everything. Thats a little more than 'at some point'.
I dont cut myself, I dont advertise the fact (the only reason i am posting is because noone i know knows about this journal and so this comment is in effect anon), and i am considering killing myself. Im not going to do this for the attention, im not doing this to get my 1 day of fame as you put it; im doing this because i am sick of this world, sick of the day to day nonsense, sick of the pain, misery and drudgery of this world and the fact that i cant do anything to stop it effecting others or myself. Rather than thinking why are people comiting suicide, rather think why not? What possable reason could a person with no education, no career, no money, no connections and no future have to live? Especially when he is overweight and has no telling social skills.
More than 100000 people successfully commit suicide every year. I would bet that about 100 did it for the attention.
You're one of the people that just needs to suck it up. You've allowed these people to take away everything from you, including your will to live. Why not think this way: you have a way out. YOU can make things better. If you DON'T feel this way, then obviously things WON'T get better. Move away from your city. Start a new life. Did you not graduate? Get a job. Meet new people. People that don't know your history. Start fresh. Escape. But live. Escape doesn't have to equal suicide. It's the pussy way out. Want to throw in the towel so soon? Fine, but that's only because you aren't trying. Why do the rest of us want to live? I can't speak for everyone, but I live to love, and in return, to be loved. To love and be happy. There's nothing more to it. And I know you can find it. You just don't want to. You mentioned overweight. Unless you have a medical problem, it's the same story. Don't just sit and whine. Don't just sit and get bigger. Get up and do something. Get motivated. Set your mind to doing it and DO IT. Don't let anything get in your way.

Find yourself. No matter how unworthy they make you feel, KNOW you're worth that much and more. Then escape. and live. or just bitch out and throw in the towel. It's up to you.
Haha, I know this is old but I read it and had to comment. I agree with _nix_ that this is probably one of the best rant/discussions ever.

Like you, I've known many people who want to die and cut themselves. My mother, my friends, my foes, and myself. When I did it, 1. I was young and 2. I was in a fucked up state of mind. By saying that, that does not excuse my actions. I can agree when saying that it releases stress and emotion, but I also say that if anyone claims they're not doing it for attention, that's pure and utter bullshit. Even if it's just a TINY BIT, there's still that attention-craving factor in there. It IS a cry for help, as attention-craving is. But most of the time the help needed is just be interested in me, care about me, spend more time with me, yadda yadda... which in esscence is nothing but a big circle of this discussion. They all relate to each other. People live completely different experiences from one another. What you may think is completely fucking ludacris I may think is absolutely understandable. That's why world peace is unobtainable - people's live experiences will always make them differ from one another. Judgement will always be passed.

I agree with you when you say that cutting/suicide or in general, GIVING UP, is not the way to go. You and I seem to share a lot of the same thoughts. Get out of the environment. Get out of anything you can possibly have any control over that is obviously doing this to you or it will kill you, whether by choice or by happening. I think anyone that really experienced what I consider to be hardship would rise up from it and learn and become stronger. Weakness and giving up is being enabled in your environment by someone/thing. You wouldn't do that if you couldn't. The body and mind has the need to survive and you would in the end take matters into your own hands and take care of yourself.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, in esscence, cutting etc IS an attention-getter. I see some points on the other side of the arguement and for the sake of seeing outside the box I recognize what's being said, but in reality I agree with you pretty much 100%.
I have to say that, honestly, this is probably one of the best discussions/rants I've read on livejournal yet. I've been on both sides of the perspective, and so I'd like to say that perhaps I can sympathize with both argument, but in the end...I find yours to be the more logical of the two. You've completely captured my feelings about a similiar situation, and I'm glad to know that at least the feelings are mutual.

Thank you.